If you are just starting to learn about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people (or if you are one) there are hundreds of questions you may have. Below are just a few of the most frequently asked questions that people ask as they start on their journey of acceptance.<\/p>\n
If you want to get more answers, try talking to someone at your local PFLAG chapter.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n How can I get support after a LGBT loved one has come out to me?<\/em><\/strong> >> Locate a PFLAG chapter near you now<\/strong>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n How are sexual orientation and gender identity determined?<\/em><\/strong> If you are asking yourself why you or your loved one is LGBT, consider asking yourself another question: Why ask why? Does your response to a LGBT person depend on knowing why they are LGBT? Regardless of cause, LGBT people deserve equal rights and to be treated fairly.<\/p>\n Is there something wrong with being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender?<\/em><\/strong> There have been people in all cultures and times throughout human history who have identified themselves as\u00a0 lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT). Homosexuality is not an illness or a disorder, a fact that is agreed upon by both the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association. Homosexuality was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of the American Psychiatric Association in 1974. Being transgender or gender variant is not a disorder either, although Gender Identity Dysphoria (GID) is still listed in the DSM of the American Psychiatric Association. Being LGBT is as much a human variation as being left-handed – a person’s sexual orientation and gender identity are just another piece of who they are. There is nothing wrong with being LGBT – in fact, there’s a lot to celebrate.<\/p>\n Discriminatory laws, policies and attitudes that persist in our schools, workplaces, places of worship and larger communities, however, are wrong and hurt LGBT people and their loved ones. PFLAG works to make sure that LGBT people have full civil rights and can live openly, free from discrimination and violence.<\/p>\n >> Learn more about how PFLAG works on\u00a0<\/strong>legislative issues<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0<\/strong>education issues<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on behalf of LGBT people and their families<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Can gay people change their sexual orientation or gender identity?<\/em><\/strong> Religious and secular organizations do sponsor campaigns and studies claiming that LGBT people can change their sexual orientation or gender identity because there is something wrong. PFLAG believes that it is our anti-LGBT attitudes, laws and policies that need to change, not our LGBT loved ones.<\/p>\n These studies and campaigns suggesting that LGBT people can change are based on ideological biases and not peer-reviewed \u00a0solid science.\u00a0 No studies show proven long-term changes in gay or transgender people, and many reported changes are based solely on behavior and not a person’s actual self-identity. The American Psychological Association has stated that scientific evidence shows that reparative therapy (therapy which claims to change LGBT people) does not work and that it can do more harm than good.<\/p>\n >> Learn more about why these efforts are so harmful and get the facts now.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n How does someone know they are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender?<\/em><\/strong> Understanding our sexuality and gender can be a lifelong process, and people shouldn’t worry about labeling themselves right away.\u00a0 However, with positive images of LGBT people more readily available, it is becoming easier for people to identify their feelings and come out at earlier ages.\u00a0 People don’t have to be sexually active to know their sexual orientation – feelings and emotions are as much a part of one’s identity.\u00a0The short answer is that you’ll know when you know.<\/p>\n Should I talk to a loved one about his or her sexual orientation or gender identity before the person talks to me?<\/em><\/strong> No one can know for sure unless the person has actually declared that they are gay, straight, bisexual, or transgender. PFLAG recommends creating a safe space by showing your support of LGBT issues on a non-personal level.\u00a0 For example, take an interest in openly discussing and learning about topics such as same-sex marriage or LGBT rights in the workplace.\u00a0Learn about LGBT communities and culture.\u00a0 Come out as an ally, regardless of if your friend or loved one is LGBT.<\/p>\n Read PFLAG\u2019s\u00a0Dos and Don\u2019ts for Friends and Families<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0to get some tips should the \u201ccoming out day\u201d happen.\u00a0 Your ultimate goal is to provide a safe space for your loved one to approach you when he or she is ready without fear of negative consequences.<\/p>\n How do I come out to my family and friends?<\/em><\/strong> PFLAG was founded because of the unconditional love of parents for their gay children.\u00a0 Your loved ones will need time to adjust to your news, the same way you may have needed time to come to terms with yourself.\u00a0 However, true acceptance is possible and happens every day, especially with education and support.<\/p>\n Today’s youth face more social pressures than ever, especially since young people are coming out at increasingly younger ages.That’s why PFLAG created\u00a0<\/strong>Be Yourself: Questions and Answers for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender\u00a0Youth\u00a0<\/strong><\/a>a coming-out guide which provides a supportive approach to common questions asked by teens who may be questioning their sexual orientation.\u00a0 It also provides hotline numbers for teens and a list of resources.\u00a0Also consider talking to someone from your local\u00a0PFLAG chapter<\/strong><\/a><\/strong>\u00a0for more personalized tips and support.<\/p>\n Can gay people have families?<\/em><\/strong> >> Interested in learning about how you can advocate to overcome barriers to LGBT people having families? Get more info here.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n How can I reconcile my or my loved one’s sexual orientation with my faith?<\/em><\/strong> PFLAG offers a number of resources in this area, including our\u00a0Welcoming\u00a0Faith Communities project<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0and our publication,\u00a0Faith in Our Families<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n Why should I support lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality?<\/em><\/strong> Because of all of these realities, \u00a0PFLAG needs you to stand up and join us in our work to move equality forward.<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nPFLAG offers\u00a0local support<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0education<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0all across the country.\u00a0Members in PFLAG chapters know what you\u2019re going through and can help. You may be experiencing an array of emotions such as grief, guilt, and denial, and you could be facing new questions about your relationship with your LGBT loved one. Whatever your reaction, remember that your loved one is sharing one part of his\/her identity with you and is ultimately the same person as yesterday.<\/p>\n
\nNo one knows exactly how sexual orientation and gender identity determined. However, experts agree that it is a complicated matter of genetics, biology, psychological and social factors.\u00a0 For most people, sexual orientation and gender identity are shaped at any early age. While research has not determined a cause, homosexuality and gender variance are not the result of any one factor like parenting or past experiences. It is never anyone’s “fault” if they or their loved one grows up to be LGBT.<\/p>\n
\nNo.<\/p>\n
\nNo \u2013 and efforts to do so aren\u2019t just unnecessary \u2013 they\u2019re damaging.<\/p>\n
\nSome people say that they have “felt different” or knew they were attracted to people of the same sex from the time they were very young.\u00a0 Some transgender people talk about feeling from an early age that their gender identity did not match parental and social expectations. Others do not figure out their sexual orientation or gender identity until they are adolescents or adults.\u00a0 Often it can take a while for people to put a label to their feelings, or people’s feelings may change over time.<\/p>\n
\nIt\u2019s seldom appropriate to ask a person, “Are you gay?\u201d \u00a0Your perception of another person\u2019s sexual orientation (gay or straight) or gender identity (male or female) is not necessarily what it appears.<\/p>\n
\nThere are many questions to consider before coming out.\u00a0 Are you comfortable with your sexuality and gender identity\/expression?\u00a0 Do you have support?\u00a0 Can you be patient?\u00a0 What kind of views do your friends and family have about homosexuality and gender variance?\u00a0 Are you financially dependent on your family?\u00a0 Make sure you have thought your decision through, have a plan and supportive people you can turn to.\u00a0 Just as you needed to experience different stages of acceptance for yourself, family and loved ones may will need to go through a similar process.<\/p>\n
\nYes!\u00a0 LGBT people can and do have families.\u00a0 Same-sex couples do form committed and loving relationships.\u00a0In the United States many same-sex couples choose to celebrate their love with commitment ceremonies or civil unions, although these couples are not offered the rights and benefits of marriage. \u00a0More and more LGBT couples are also raising children together, although state laws on adoption and foster parenting vary.\u00a0 And of course, many LGBT people have the support of the loving families they were born into, or the families that they have created with their other friends and loved ones. As the saying goes, all it takes is love to make a family.<\/p>\n
\nThis is a difficult question for many people.\u00a0 Learning that a loved one is LGBT can be a challenge if you feel it is at odds with your faith tradition.\u00a0 However, being LGBT does not impact a person’s ability to be moral and spiritual any more than being heterosexual does.\u00a0Many LGBT people are religious and active in their own faith communities.\u00a0It is up to you to explore, question and make choices in order to reconcile religion with homosexuality and gender variance. For some this means working for change within their faith community, and for others it means leaving it.<\/p>\n
\nLGBT rights are not special rights.\u00a0 PFLAG works to achieve equal civil rights for all people, including our LGBT loved ones.\u00a0 Our LGBT children, friends and family members deserve the same rights as our straight ones. However, discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity is still legal in many states, a LGBT person can be fired from their job simply because of who they love or how they express their gender, same-sex couples cannot legally be married in the majority of states in the United States, LGBT youth face constant harassment and abuse in schools across the country, and it is clear that \u00a0the road to full equality and acceptance is a long one.<\/p>\n